Days before surgery

I'm probably as ready as I will be or can be for this. Still not happy. What's difficult is that no one can tell me how I'll feel or how much I'll be able to do. Will I have trouble walking down stairs to my temporary basement home Day One? Will I be comfortable being alone or do I need to ask people to stay with me?


So, I've asked for help from my friends. Everyone's cheerfully willing, but this is difficult for me.

Nurses advise me that I'm probably fine "home alone," but the first day or so I should have someone in the house when I need to move around. So I put out a request for friends to stop in to "check up" on me in the late morning and mid afternoon. Everyone's been great. I feel blessed for the care -- but self conscious.

Also, I'm trying not to make my family feel like they can't take care of me. Clearly, they're loving supporters. This is a short term hurdle for me and they have logistical issues. D will have been away the prior week and will assuredly come back to a chaotic schedule. Z starts rehearsal, preparing a major role. With great alternate support available, I'm hoping it will be fun to have my friends share the journey.

Then, there's the "home care" staff, what gramma used to call "visiting nurses." I organized them to come the first few days to do my blood work so I didn't have to get rides, hobble in and out of transportation and trek to the office for this -- and thinking they would fill in the support schedule. Mostly, this idea just makes me feel like a gramma. Also, I'd expected they'd be able to say that someone would come at 8am, etc. -- but they haven't been so clear with their schedule. So, I'm afraid I've got a friend coming to "check" on me between 10 and noon -- sure enough: that'll be when the nurse shows up!

Nursing staff has been cautious (understandably) about suggesting how I'll feel or what I'll be able to do. "All patients recover differently" -- of course. But I'd really like a "most of the time..." what happens. I'm not viewing this as a contest with objectives I need to beat, I'm just trying to make contingency plans. I know I'll be motoring around on my own by the end of the first week and picking up speed the second week. But, it's the unknowns about early days of recovery that bug me the most.

While I'm not "anxious" about the pre-op chaos, I wish I could just skip it and go right to the OR. The surgery center is a calmer, milder place. I know most of the nurses -- they care, they're sympathetic, they successfully tread that fine line between being professional and being friendly. There's that awkward hour before surgery when they stick needles in me, make me take off my clothes, have me talk to anesthesia (like I have an opinion about anything), let the doc come in and do his hoo-hah, etc.

Same deal in the first couple hours post-op. Feel like I'm in a fishbowl. Well, actually, I pretty much am. Check-ups with anesthesia. Attentive nursing staff. Doc's send off. Drugs. I'm hoping I can stay lucid enough to read the interesting books and articles I've packed and try to block out all the rest of it.

I know by the end of the week I'll be motoring around with my walker pretty independently. I just with I could jump to day 4. However, I know there's a plan here for me. The Lord is either making me take a time-out for some (incomprehensible!) reason or putting me in a position to witness (something I'm not typically very good at). Paul's words about being content in whatever situation you're in (most unfortunately) comes to mind here.

Wish I were more excited about the adventure.